Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
