Apparently you make a good broom.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
