Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I currently don't understand fingers.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
