he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
