I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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