you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
