so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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