Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
