I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
