I wish I could teleport
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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