Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
