Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Someone shattered a urinal.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
