What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
