She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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