I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
