Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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