Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
