I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
