I have demons in me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
