I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
