the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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