Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have feelings that need drinking.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
