So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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