I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
