It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
