Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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