Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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