Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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