God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
