I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
