its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
being pregnant is like rehab
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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