im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
