Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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