He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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