Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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