its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just want to make out with him forever
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
