OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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