You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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