Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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