Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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