you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
