I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if only i could text you this smell
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
