Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
