There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
