i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
