also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I need to stop coming to work sober
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
