I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
