i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
