I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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