no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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