Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
