I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
