Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
