You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
