They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
